Shame is an Invasive Species

Shame is a powerful and intense emotion. It’s one we feel deeply in our bodies and see in our actions. Shame tells us we aren’t enough, that our existence isn’t enough. Shame says we are wrong, bad, or cursed. Shame can’t heal us, let alone motivate us. It can’t sustain change. Shame is like an invasive species. It takes over our worldview and that’s not going to feel very good. I wondered, how do we respond to an invasive species, like buckthorn? Is that what we need to do with shame?

According to the National Invasive Species Information Center, the best way to manage invasive species is through EDRR. EDRR stands for Early Detection Rapid Response. As a therapist, how do we apply this our work with shame?

One, it means we have to look at childhood or the onset of shame. Was it a specific event? Was it trauma? Were there family dynamics at play? Was it a systemic issue, such as racism?

Second, it means we want to look at where shame started and what fuels it in therapy. We don’t want to ignore shame. While it’s uncomfortable to sit with this emotion, it provides great information about what your brain is responding to. Is your emotional operating system fueled by shame? This is where curiosity becomes our helper.

Third, it means we want to eradicate shame, especially intrinsic shame. Shame cannot sustain lasting change. Diet culture loves shame because they use it to trick us into selling us magical products and false solutions. Shame is a powerful manipulator and it’s often, a liar.

The National Invasive Species Information Center recommends various methods to try to eradicate invasive species including biological, chemical, cultural, mechanical, and physical or manual methods. We use similar methods in therapy. Exploring your biological needs (such as food, water, safety), exploring brain chemistry (such as dopamine or hormones), exploring cultural influences (such as offering casseroles as condolences), the tools available to you (such as access to therapy, emotional insight), and physical activities/practices (such as EMDR, journaling, sleeping etc).

When shame is in the driver’s seat, it’s information. It doesn’t get to hijack your brain or your life. It doesn’t have to stay there. If you’re looking to create sustainable change, compassion and curiosity are long lasting. It takes a lot less energy and is more restorative for our long term heath when we can lean into empathy instead of shame.

References: https://www.invasivespeciesinfo.gov/subject/control-mechanisms